Values Behind the Frustration

Often, beneath frustration is a value that matters deeply.

Each of you chooses one recurring small frustration in the relationship (running late, mess, screens, tone, etc.).

Then, use this structure:

“When ___ happens, I get frustrated.”

“Underneath that frustration is a value of mine: I care about…”

“If that value were honored, things would look like…”

Example:
“When plans change last minute, I get frustrated. Underneath, I care about reliability and feeling safe. If that value were honored, we would text as soon as we know a change is coming.”

The listener reflects the value back:
“So this is really about ___ for you.”