Card #1 · Level 2
Needs in Translation
This card helps you express needs without blame.
Each person chooses one area where they have been feeling a little unmet (time together, affection, chores, communication, etc.).
Use this structure when you speak:
“When ___ happens…”
“The story I tell myself is…”
“Underneath that, my need is…”
“A concrete way you could help meet that need is…”
Example:
“When we both end up on our phones at night, the story I tell myself is that we are drifting. Underneath that, my need is for intentional time. A concrete way you could help is if we had 15 phone-free minutes before bed.”
The listening partner mirrors back the need and the concrete request.
Debrief prompts
- Was it easier to talk about the behavior, or the need underneath?
- Did putting my need into words feel vulnerable?
- How did it feel to hear my partner’s need framed without blame?
- What is one small, realistic change I can commit to this week?
- What did I learn about how my partner’s mind “fills in the blanks”?
Private debrief
This is visible only to you and your partner account.